I spent years trying to mold myself to the bland “professional” look I thought would help me get ahead in my career.
SURPRISE! It didn’t work.
I was abruptly let go shortly after returning from a business trip. Ten years of trying to be everything I thought would make me successful in my career, slowly becoming all about work, and here I was, needing to start over. I had a closet full of practical clothing which made me inoffensive… and incredibly invisible. I barely recognized myself and didn’t feel good in any outfit I put together.
I took a temporary job to pay the bills while I figured out what to do next. My previous work wardrobe was entirely unsuitable for the new food-safe environment I was in, and I found myself in desperate need of new clothes and a little happiness. My new dress code was flexible, so I was determined to start dressing in a style that felt like ME.
Ok, so I wanted to dress like “me”. What even did that mean? I had been wearing boring business casual for the last decade – by the time I got home from work each day, I was too exhausted to wear anything but pjs. Weekends were for catching up on rest and housework, and any excursions with friends still interested in hanging out with me were few and far between. During college, I refused help from my parents and was poor as hell, so dark theatre clothes (suitable for blending in backstage) were my staples. Let’s go back further – high school? You could find me drooling over Tripp pants at Hot Topic, but convincing my mother (Latina, loving, but with very specific expectations of me) was another story.
Did I ever dress in a way that felt like “me”? Not really.
Well, shit. What now?
The aesthetics I enjoyed definitely skewed darker, a little rebellious, a little unexpected. But nearly everything I was finding would not work. Most goth clothing I came across either bordered on costume-y or was built for tiny rebellious teenage girls who did not have my decidedly adult body. (Why is everything goth aimed at teenagers? Oh, right, because adults aren’t supposed to rebel. We’re supposed to be past that.) When I did come across something beautiful that felt suitable for my age, it was often designer – and came with the accompanying price tag.
Searching for home decor was even worse. The majority of options were tacky fake velour, Nightmare Before Christmas/Beetlejuice, and purple coffin shelves. I wanted my home to look like a dramatic Victorian library, not a goth Nickelodeon cartoon.
Still, there were gems to be found. Though Hot Topic stores carry mostly anime and Disney these days, digging deep through their website can yield surprisingly cute pieces. Nu Goth and dark academia style inspo has been taking over Instagram and other visual platforms. I started to create outfits that reflected how I wanted to look. I started to feel cute and confident again.
The problem was, I had to dig for style ideas – to curate it myself. Wouldn’t it just be nice if I could find a collection of resources?
The time I spend curating could be useful to many more people than me and should not be wasted. So if you’re looking for a resource to class up your dark aesthetics as you get older – I’m your gal.
Welcome to Sophistigoth.